The Reincarnation of Queen: Brian May I Hope Your Royalty Check Bounces

I am appalled. I am livid. It never ceases to amaze me, the endless string of music groups who decide to perpetuate the lie of reestablishing a once great band years after a vital member has departed. I’m not referring to bands that lose a member mid-stream during their heyday and continue. AC/DC managed to successfully replace Bon Scott with Brian Johnson at the helm. Def Leppard replaced guitarist Steve Clarke, the Red Hot Chili Peppers replaced their guitarist, Hillel Slovak, and Metallica replaced Cliff Burton after his untimely demise. Hell, even Kiss has managed to survive more line-up changes than the Major League Baseball All-Star game. The point being, sometimes you can successfully replace a member of the group. All of these groups were arguably just as good with their replacement.

With that said, I think it is utterly ridiculous and comically pathetic when bands reunite years later, after their popularity has waned and the band itself has already been dissolved and try to incorporate a new member into the mix. Queen’s reformation is a sterling example of this kind of nostalgic money-hungry zeal that tugs on the hapless listeners heart and purse strings.

Freddie Mercury was arguably one of the greatest vocalists if not one of the greatest front-men ever to strut across the stage. You’ll be hard-pressed to beat him in stage presence and you damned near can’t top him in vocal ability. How many Queen cover songs do you hear? Not many. Most artists find it such an initially daunting task that they don’t even attempt it. You can’t belt out a Queen song without some vocal chops. Have you ever sung Bohemian Rhapsody? And I don’t mean by yourself in the car with the windows rolled up, I mean actually trying to hit every note like Freddie. Good luck and don’t blame me if you start the neighborhood cats to screeching in the process.

I mean, seriously, how do you follow-up the best? George Michael came closest to actually pulling it off with his cover of “Somebody To Love” in the early 90’s. He has the vocal range and he managed to capture the feeling of the song, but he was no Freddie Mercury. Not to mention the fact that he didn’t even sport the 70’s gay porn star ‘stache on his upper lip. Go back to your Beverly Hills restroom trolling and give us a goddamned break. But, hey- at least he didn’t try to be Queen’s front man.

Brian May and whoever else is responsible for deciding to dredge up Queen and stick Paul Rodger’s sorry bloated ass behind the mic should be shot, no questions asked. He should get down on his hands and knees and beg for his old job back in Bad Company and be damned thankful that there are actually people out there who consider themselves fans of their classic rock lame-ass crap. Paul Rodgers is not fit to hold Freddie’s probably now tattered and well-aged leather armband. I mean, Paul, don’t you know that you are a shooting star? I really wish you would shoot the hell somewhere else and quit kicking us fans in the teeth.

Brian May, I hold you personally responsible. Everybody knows that you’ve always been the businessman of the group. I hope your next fucking royalty check bounces.

Freddie Mercury R.I.P.