Top 10 Reasons Nickelback Should Die

1. Their lead singer is so ugly and untalented he has probably inspired hope to a whole generation of equally ugly, untalented white people. Who can really put an estimate on the damage he's caused or on how many other shitty bands will crop up because some ugly kid believed he could be in a band because Chad Kroeger did it. Thanks a lot buddy.

2. Nickelback crossed the line from mildly annoying to warranting death threats after 2002's hit "How You Remind Me" was played a minimum of 75+ times a day/ 7 days a week. Think I'm exaggerating? Their little web site touts the song as being Billboard's most played song of 2002. I swear to God, at one point it go so out of control that it was actually feasible to hear the song on the car radio, go to the Kwiki Mart, hear it piped through the store, and then walk back to the parking lot where some jackass in a Creed T-shirt could be heard singing under his breath "This is how you remind me..."

3. It has mass cross-sectional appeal. This group must send the A & R people into a real fucking frenzy because this music is just bland enough to really appeal to the average dumbass. I'm sure this music is the voice of frat boys and all other testosterone-fueled little white kids who think that this is the music that really speaks to their generation. Werd.

4. Lyrical Content. Now, I know we're not splitting the atom here, but for God's sakes, throw us a friggin' bone here, buddy. I won't bore you with endless examples to prove how insipid their lyrics are, so we'll just focus on the aforementioned song "How You Remind Me."

Never made it as a wise man

Jeez. That's a shocker.

I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing

Gee- That's a shame. Too bad you weren't picked up for multiple counts of B & E. Jail time might have at least kept you off the radio (unless you are a hip-hop artist, and then you can actually record an entire album and shoot a music video from inside the jail cell. True story- but I digress).

yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no
yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no

As God as my witness, this little lyrical jewel is repeated a multitude of times.

these five words in my head
scream "are we having fun yet?"
yet, yet
are we having fun yet [3x]

Note the 3x- As if you didn't catch it any of the 15 other times it's repeated in the song.

5. They suffer under delusion that they "RAWK." Let's clear up one thing right off- Just because you can hit a power chord doesn't mean you rock. Go listen to some Tom Morello and get back to me on this one.

6. Their band name is Nickelback, which is just downright stupid, and if I'm not mistaken is derived from a football term. They're Canadian- what the fuck do they know about football, Eh?

7. They continue to put out new albums. Unforgivable.

8. Nickelback has been nominated for a 2005 Juno Award in the Producer of The Year Category. I'm gonna go with the boys of South Park on this one and say "Blame Canada." But, at least they're not American.

9. They suck. Enough said.

10. Next time any of their songs comes on the radio (don't worry you won't have to wait too long) put your ear up as close as you can to the radio. Turn it up as loud as you can tolerate without becoming physically ill. If you listen closely, you can actually hear the heart of rock n' roll stop beating. Somebody please call Huey Lewis.