Shameless Filler

Ok, so my friend Gina has deluded me into thinking that I can enter the National Novel Writing Month's contest and write a 50k novel by the end of November. So, pardon me if the content is a bit thin until December. Here's an email I composed yesterday during a 3 hour boring-ass meeting I attended against my will...

As I was in the lovely and historically significant Read House this morning to attend a 3-hour meeting I had completely forgotten about (until a frantic call came in from the office wondering where the hell I was) I decided to make use of my time during said meeting by composing for you the Mother of All Top-10 Lists.

I call it......*pause for dramatic emphasis*

TOP 10 REASONS WHY RACHEL IS THE FUCKING SHIT (in no particular order, of course)

1. Rachel has an in-depth, working knowledge of computer audio systems, including, but not limited to, all functions regarding the mute button. Phil Spector ain't got nothing on me, baby. Wall of Sound, my ass. (Upon further reflection, I realized that no one would actually get this reference except for the person for whom the email was intended, so I thought a quick explanation was in order. I had lost sound on my notebook for weeks and couldn't figure out why. It was brought to my attention by my ever-faithful personal tech guru that I had, in fact, had it on mute the entire time.)

2. Rachel's proven track-record of reliable bookkeeping and financial and data records management has made her a virtual pioneer in the field of safeguarding important information. Her system, which she has ingeniously entitled, "File 13: If I Can't Find It, It's Probably Gone For Good" is utilized by major accounting firms and data records services all over the world.

3. She consistently wins the Insurance Purgatory's Punctuality Award. People who facilitate the upkeep of the Greenwich Mean Time system routinely call upon her to confirm the correct time by her diamond-encrusted Timex IronWoman watch.

4. She is a model of restraint and self-control regarding acquisitions and purchasing of "life enhancing products." i.e. Spaceage Polymer Material featured on an Infomercial at 4 a.m.

5. She has devastatingly green eyes and an odd penchant for being attracted to grumpy, disgruntled convenience store clerks full of irony and biting sarcasm.

6. Rachel is quite capable of being able to walk AND chew gum simultaneously, a trait rarely seen in the enchantingly blonde species.

7. Rachel is up for several awards this year, most importantly, she is rumored to be the leading candidate in the Cleanest and Most Sanitary Car Award. The startling number of Camel Bucks found in the floorboards alone, has enabled her to put a rather substantial down payment on a summer home in the Vineyard.

8. She has an overactive, yet highly entertaining imagination that ran rampant during the aforementioned meeting and resulted in the construction of an elaborate meeting escape plan involving a pencil eraser, two unsuspecting, mildly Autistic Mexicans and a Brazilian bikini-wax kit.

9. Rachel can attend a 3-hour meeting about, well, whatever it was about, and manage to appear to be furiously take notes while actually composing inane Top-10 lists.

10. Rachel's just da shit, baby.